Art Therapy and Loss

When you lose someone you love deeply there are lessons beyond what you could imagine. Some painful and heartbreaking and some humbling and heart opening. Every loss is an opportunity for growth (within yourself and closer to others). No matter who you are you will experience loss in your life. A loss of a grandparent, of a parent, a sibling, child, pet, spouse, friend, or relative. Loss is inevitable and comes in so many forms- moving away from friends and family, loss of a significant relationship, divorce, loss of a job, changes in school, a loss of physical health, saying good-bye to someone traveling away, or having an empty nest. Life continually is in a state of change and loss is a part of the cycle. So how can we live with grace and compassion and open to these experiences when we encounter them (rather than shutting down, hiding, denying, or minimizing these most important moments)? I don't have the answers, but I am in the process of learning and this is what I've discovered. 1. Allow yourself to be in the feelings. People are fearful that they will become overwhelmed with emotions if they allow themselves to feel deeply. The truth is the more you ignore, avoid, or try to push through these feelings the more they will drain you and overwhelm you. Embrace what it is you are feeling and what it is that you need so you may gracefully move through the experience. 2. Give yourself time. There are stages of grief and loss and they do not unfold overnight. Please be gentle and kind with yourself and not to try to push though the process quickly. When you honor your needs and give yourself time to heal you will move forward with an open heart, knowing what is unfolding is in perfect time. 3. Allow yourself to detach from trying to control circumstances and outcomes. We all know the Serenity Prayer "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference." There are many things beyond your control when experiencing a loss and surrendering to what you cannot control allows a centering back to yourself and what it is you truly need. Being still and focusing on the "here and now" allows you an opportunity to let go of what you can't control and soften to what you can. 4. Support and love is the way through loss. There is an opportunity to open your heart and be vulnerable with those in your life during this process. When you are honest and allow others to be there with you on your healing journey you create deeper relationships. This has been the greatest gift in my experience and I am grateful for all those who have lovingly offered support and understanding in this time of loss. 5. Find comfort in creating. During some of the most difficult times in my life I have looked to art as a balm for my soul. Art allows a soft resting place for grief. I've used the art to honor those losses and those I have loved, as well as a gift for myself to help heal and nourish my soul. Here are some creative therapeutic activities you can do to help you through loss. Knit, sew, or create jewelry. These activities allow you to assert control over the materials, provides a mediative or prayerful experience of repetitious actions. Create a photo collage or scrapbook as a way of processing and honoring memories. Create art from clay or cement by embedding special items in the medium, or glue items on a box or candle representing your memories and feelings. I believe we not only need to learn from these experience for ourselves, but also model this for our children and families.

Art Therapy - Paint a Prayer

I'm heading to the American Art Therapy Conference in Dallas this week and will have time to taste all the art making goodies and learn lots of new tools and techniques to share with you. A few highlights of the trip will be visiting the Art Station to learn more about Mandalas from instructors trained by Dr. Cornell, as well as an exploratory class at the Arboretum, and of course my own presentation- which is so very exciting! I also hope to hear what successes you have been celebrating, both big and small. If you have taken time to be creative, said "no" to things that are not right for you, allowed yourself time to listen to your inner voice- all these we celebrate! Remember all moments have the potential to be creative, even at times when things appear stuck and overwhelming, there are creative possibilities. This may mean letting go of how things "should be" or letting go of doing things "right". When you do so, you create a space for new possibilities. Here's a delicious creative tip to keep your juices flowing- enjoy! Paint a Prayer Ask spirit to come and be with you. Sit in a quite place and allow yourself to feel your heart opening. Invite spirit to speak into your heart what it is you need to hear. Use watercolors, or other paints, to express what you are feeling and what was spoken to you. Sit with the image you have created and allow yourself to deeply feel and honor what it is you needed to express.

Gratitude - Using Positive Psychology and Art Therapy

I do love this time of year as a period of reflection on what what has transpired over the last 12 months. Although the year is always is filled with change, this year I reflect on the gifts I've been given- strength in being vulnerable, grace in the midst of loss, many supportive friends and family who lovingly witness my journey and accept me where I am I my path, my own deeper loving acceptance of who I am. All these glorious gifts I give gratitude for. Although many were discovered in difficult times, I give thanks for the ability to welcome growth in the midst of change. The feature article below offers some thoughts on giving thanks and how you can use your creativity to celebrate what you are grateful for. As many of you know I am a fan of positive psychology and use in often in my life and in my art therapy practice with clients. If you haven't heard of positive psychology it is a new field of psychology that emphasizes the strengths and resources of the individual. Instead of focusing solely on what's wrong, it encourages you to explore "what's right" in your life. Needless to say it encourages resilience and the belief that we are resourceful creators in our lives- meaning we can use our innate gifts to live a happier life, regardless of the circumstances. So how can you apply the principles of positive psychology into your life and help your family use these tools too? One of the basic tools positive psychologist have been studying is called "Three Good Things in Life". The research suggests that by writing down three things you are grateful for each day you can reduced depressive symptoms and increased happiness for six months (Park et al., 2005). How simple, yet how effective! So here are some simple ways to bring this practice into your home and encourage yourself and your children to explore gratitude. 1. Make a gratitude ritual- At dinner or before bed allow your child and yourself to reflect on what you are grateful for each day. 2. Journal- This simple tool will allow you an opportunity to reflect on the day and find the good. It's nice to do this before going to bed to allow your mind to think positively before drifting off to sleep. 3. Make gratitude art- This could be in many forms, such as marking an image or using collage to create what you are grateful for; or creating gifts of gratitude for others. 4. Create a Thanksgiving tradition- Encourage your child (or do this yourself) to draw or use magazine pictures to make place mats for each member of the family. On each place mat create an image of what about that individual you are grateful for (such as who they are, what they like, what they do, what makes them special). This is a great activity to keep your child busy while you are cooking and a unique way to celebrate each person in the family. You can collect them throughout the years as each person grows, and reflect on their changes and unique attributes. Having problems at home and need more support? We can help, contact us at info@thecreativityqueen.com Park, N., Peterson, C., Seligman, M. E., & Steen, T.A. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of intervention. American Psychologist, 60.

Quick Creative Tips For Positive Communication For Busy Families

Is your family swamped by too many things on the to do list, leaving little time for deep connections with those in your family? Maybe you've seen your child become upset and overwhelmed, but you're so depleted and rushed there is little time to understand what your child is really feeling? If children do not feel heard and validated they will express their feelings in other unhealthy ways, leading to possible behavior and emotional problems. So what's a busy parent to do? STOP, LISTEN, and VALIDATE (kinda like stop, drop and roll). When your child is starting to become upset, they give signals. As a parent you know that they are getting upset, and sometimes you've got to go and can't always attend to what they are feeling. However, if you take a few seconds and STOP you can shift the reactive response that is brewing within your child. It takes more time to try to get your child back on track after they have a meltdown than it does to STOP. Stopping allows you to step into your parenting power so you're not responding from a reactive frazzled state. Stopping allows your child an opportunity to self-regulate, so they can learn how to get back in control of their behaviors. Stopping allows you to be present, loving, and open to hearing and seeing what's really happening with your child; so you can help them express their feelings and they learn other ways to communicate, rather than being reactive. When you stop you can be fully present to LISTEN and hear what their needs are. They may need to express thoughts and feelings that are not related to what's on your agenda. When you model being flexible your child will also learn flexibility. You have to decide what's important. Is it teaching your child a positive way to communicate their needs or is it that they learn how to "jump to it" and be on time so that others are not upset. I know this is a polarized example, but I want you to think about what you are emphasizing as important values for your child. Listening and really hearing your child takes only a few minutes, yet the importance of this leads to health self-esteem, learning positive communication skills, and respect (which parents want their child to learn). VALIDATING means you recognize what your child may be feeling and thinking. It's not necessary to problem solve for them, or tell them what wrong or bad, or that you condone what they are saying. It just means that you get their point of view and deeply understand their feelings. When kids are being reactive they are operating from FEAR and CONTROL. Validating their feelings allows a child to feel emotionally safer and acts as a re-set button on their feelings. They were heard, they felt understood, now they can continue onward. Here's a creative activity to help you child through this process. If you notice your child about to loose control of their feelings ask them to tell you what they are feeling. If they are unable to do so or they are overwhelmed ask them to go to a quite place and make a picture of what that feeling looks like (Can you make a picture of how mad you are?") If your child chooses to share the picture with you do not make corrections or tell them they shouldn't feel that way. Listen to them and validate their feelings. Model this and your child will have a set of skills that will lead to life long success!

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Art Therapy and Healing

I've been seeing many families hurting so badly and in such pain. It may be many things such as the economy, fear of the unknown, or the emphasis of lack and scarcity. Sadly, I have notice this has triggered may fears in parents. Often these fears trigger the thoughts and behaviors we had as a child. If you have never fully healed those aspects of yourself you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed, fearful, scared, or avoiding what's really at the root of your feelings. However, for those people who are stepping into their fear and allowing themselves to heal there is tremendous change that is occurring. It's remarkable to see the release of pain that has been held on for years and how people's lives can be transformed when they they are committed to growing- no matter how scared they are. So I offer you a feature article on thinking about your own healing and well being and how in this moment you can choose to lovingly embrace yourself.

There is something that I have to share that keep appearing again and again with the families I see. It breaks my heart to see parents in such pain. I know how much they hurt, wanting to see their relationships with their children be closer and to help their children be more confident and happier. I see these families whose hearts are breaking because they want so badly to help their children, but I know there is more to this, much more than what they see. So many parents come in with their own hurts and pains. They have grown up in families that didn't allow their voice to be heard or they never felt good enough. There are years of pain and hurt that have been pushed down because these parents were so fearful of letting these hurts out- fearful of rejection, worried they may fall apart, scared others may find out their deepest fears. So these parents keep looking for ways to fill their void. By doing more, buy buying more, by looking a certain way, by focusing on their children's well being and putting everyone else's needs before theirs. It breaks my heart to see these parents struggle to push through all the pain they are feeling and keep searching for ways to fill their hurt places.

These deep wounds created in the past keep us running on a treadmill of beliefs that if we did something more, had something more, looked differently, then we would be happy, lovable, respected, understood. The truth is that the ability to heal these tender places is already within us and we just haven't tapped into it, so we continue to look outside of us. The sad part is that most traditional talk therapies will give you more of the same. They will continue to keep you in your head, thinking about things- rather than being in your heart, where you can heal and release your pain. I have seen parents who have come to me with problems with their children and when they do their own work find they had been holding on to patterns and beliefs that had kept them in pain for years. Despite years of talk therapy, they still had not healed their heart. As one very wise mother said, "Art therapy allows me to get into my heart instead of my head. When I am in my heart I can feel, and when I feel I am able to heal". So I'm offering something I've never offered before, an opportunity to get to the root of the cause of your pain, so you release the beliefs that you're not good enough, that you have to do or be more, that you are broken and unlovable, so you can let go of these feelings for once and for all. If this the right time for you to finally let go of the pain and heal yourself (and you'll know in your heart if it is) then I ask you to call me directly at (941)504-8498 to set up an appointment. I'd be honored to help you on your healing journey.

Quick Creative Tips to Imrove Communication with Your Teen

If you have a teen you may have seen them transform from a connected loving child to a frustrated, stressed out, shut down, eye rolling teenager. Most parents just don’t know how to connect with their teen and feel like whatever they say or do is ”wrong”. How you dealt with your children’s problems will not be the same way you will support your teen. But don’t worry we have some simple strategies to help you reconnect with your teen.

1. Listen-
Your teen may seem like they really don’t want to share things with you. While it’s true they are spending more time thinking about things that are important to them, they still want to have a relationship with you, but they may feel like you really don’t understand them. Do you really understand them? Here’s a simple way to understand your teen, listen! You do not need to judge them, or tell them how they should solve the problems they are encounter, or what you think of their friends. Instead, ask them a question, such as, “what was the most frustrating thing that happened today”, then listen.

2. Understand-
It wasn’t that long ago that you were a teen and you may remember all of the frustrations, overwhelm, and angst you felt then. Being a teen is an emotional rollercoaster ride and if you are not there to support your child imagine who will help them make MAJOR life decisions! So it is time to start understanding your teen from their point of view. You may not agree with their behaviors and choices, and that’s fine, but you do need to start to understand their thoughts and feelings. A simple way to do that is validating their point of view. For example acknowledging their feelings when things don’t go their way, “ I understand you are mad you can’t go to the mall with Samantha, that’s got to be really frustrating.” Just being validated makes teens feel understood and improves the relationships.

3. Encourage Self-Expression-
You teen has lots to express. Find positive outlets to help them deal with all their frustrations and stressors. Whatever their interests: dance, sports, horses, art, music, allows them opportunities for positive self-expression. This creates healthy connections with peers, the opportunity for other positive adults to mentor your teen, and an easy way for you to connect with your teen by watching and encouraging their interests. Want an easy conversation starter? Ask about their favorite activity and watch as your teen reconnects with you.

Want some very specific strategies to reconnect with YOUR teen? Join out HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR TEEN Parent Support Program. For more info contact info@thecreativityqueen.com or (941) 504-8498.