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Art Therapy and Healing

I've been seeing many families hurting so badly and in such pain. It may be many things such as the economy, fear of the unknown, or the emphasis of lack and scarcity. Sadly, I have notice this has triggered may fears in parents. Often these fears trigger the thoughts and behaviors we had as a child. If you have never fully healed those aspects of yourself you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed, fearful, scared, or avoiding what's really at the root of your feelings. However, for those people who are stepping into their fear and allowing themselves to heal there is tremendous change that is occurring. It's remarkable to see the release of pain that has been held on for years and how people's lives can be transformed when they they are committed to growing- no matter how scared they are. So I offer you a feature article on thinking about your own healing and well being and how in this moment you can choose to lovingly embrace yourself.

There is something that I have to share that keep appearing again and again with the families I see. It breaks my heart to see parents in such pain. I know how much they hurt, wanting to see their relationships with their children be closer and to help their children be more confident and happier. I see these families whose hearts are breaking because they want so badly to help their children, but I know there is more to this, much more than what they see. So many parents come in with their own hurts and pains. They have grown up in families that didn't allow their voice to be heard or they never felt good enough. There are years of pain and hurt that have been pushed down because these parents were so fearful of letting these hurts out- fearful of rejection, worried they may fall apart, scared others may find out their deepest fears. So these parents keep looking for ways to fill their void. By doing more, buy buying more, by looking a certain way, by focusing on their children's well being and putting everyone else's needs before theirs. It breaks my heart to see these parents struggle to push through all the pain they are feeling and keep searching for ways to fill their hurt places.

These deep wounds created in the past keep us running on a treadmill of beliefs that if we did something more, had something more, looked differently, then we would be happy, lovable, respected, understood. The truth is that the ability to heal these tender places is already within us and we just haven't tapped into it, so we continue to look outside of us. The sad part is that most traditional talk therapies will give you more of the same. They will continue to keep you in your head, thinking about things- rather than being in your heart, where you can heal and release your pain. I have seen parents who have come to me with problems with their children and when they do their own work find they had been holding on to patterns and beliefs that had kept them in pain for years. Despite years of talk therapy, they still had not healed their heart. As one very wise mother said, "Art therapy allows me to get into my heart instead of my head. When I am in my heart I can feel, and when I feel I am able to heal". So I'm offering something I've never offered before, an opportunity to get to the root of the cause of your pain, so you release the beliefs that you're not good enough, that you have to do or be more, that you are broken and unlovable, so you can let go of these feelings for once and for all. If this the right time for you to finally let go of the pain and heal yourself (and you'll know in your heart if it is) then I ask you to call me directly at (941)504-8498 to set up an appointment. I'd be honored to help you on your healing journey.

Quick Creative Tips to Imrove Communication with Your Teen

If you have a teen you may have seen them transform from a connected loving child to a frustrated, stressed out, shut down, eye rolling teenager. Most parents just don’t know how to connect with their teen and feel like whatever they say or do is ”wrong”. How you dealt with your children’s problems will not be the same way you will support your teen. But don’t worry we have some simple strategies to help you reconnect with your teen.

1. Listen-
Your teen may seem like they really don’t want to share things with you. While it’s true they are spending more time thinking about things that are important to them, they still want to have a relationship with you, but they may feel like you really don’t understand them. Do you really understand them? Here’s a simple way to understand your teen, listen! You do not need to judge them, or tell them how they should solve the problems they are encounter, or what you think of their friends. Instead, ask them a question, such as, “what was the most frustrating thing that happened today”, then listen.

2. Understand-
It wasn’t that long ago that you were a teen and you may remember all of the frustrations, overwhelm, and angst you felt then. Being a teen is an emotional rollercoaster ride and if you are not there to support your child imagine who will help them make MAJOR life decisions! So it is time to start understanding your teen from their point of view. You may not agree with their behaviors and choices, and that’s fine, but you do need to start to understand their thoughts and feelings. A simple way to do that is validating their point of view. For example acknowledging their feelings when things don’t go their way, “ I understand you are mad you can’t go to the mall with Samantha, that’s got to be really frustrating.” Just being validated makes teens feel understood and improves the relationships.

3. Encourage Self-Expression-
You teen has lots to express. Find positive outlets to help them deal with all their frustrations and stressors. Whatever their interests: dance, sports, horses, art, music, allows them opportunities for positive self-expression. This creates healthy connections with peers, the opportunity for other positive adults to mentor your teen, and an easy way for you to connect with your teen by watching and encouraging their interests. Want an easy conversation starter? Ask about their favorite activity and watch as your teen reconnects with you.

Want some very specific strategies to reconnect with YOUR teen? Join out HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR TEEN Parent Support Program. For more info contact info@thecreativityqueen.com or (941) 504-8498.

A simple creative strategy to help your child through the transition of a new school year

Life is filled with obstacles and as you become an adult you often encounter situations that throw you off balance. How you manage these adversities are often formed when you were a child and unconsciously you are reacting from the same pattern you did as a child when a new situation arises or when things become overwhelming. If you didn't have healthy adults in your life modeling how to manage change you may have picked up some unproductive ways cope. Here's the good thing, you always have an opportunity to change and grow by creating new healthy strategies to meet your needs. In addition, you can teach your children new healthy ways of responding to changes. Here's a simple, but effective strategy to help your child when they encounter new challenges. Have your child take out a big piece of paper. On that paper have them draw all the things that they are worried or fearful about. For a younger child it may be a fear that the new teacher may be mean, for a middle school child it may be the fear of finding their classes, for a teenager it could be meeting new friends. Here's the important part, do not judge or minimize what their worries are. If you make judgmental comments such as, "oh that's not true", you do not validate your child's feelings. When you allow them to embrace their feelings they are more likely to move through the feelings, allowing an opportunity to create new thoughts and feelings around the circumstances. Allow your child to express all their worries and validate their feelings. Then, after you have heard them and allowed them an opportunity for self-expression, ask them to create all the things they could do to overcome the fears, worries and challenges. So if you child draws a picture of a mean kid in school doing something hurtful ask them to create what they could do instead. Allow them the opportunity to get really creative, again it's not about what you think they should do, but instead allowing them to create their own solutions, however "out there" or silly it may seem. This allows for divergent thinking, essential in developing resilience and creating life long skills for success. If you need more support we can help, contact us at info@thecreativityqueen.com

3 simple strategies to help your child with the transition back to school

How to make this school year your child’s best year yet!

It’s almost back to school time for those of us who live in FL. It is so interesting to see how the school year impacts children and families. I find that during summer time there are fewer power struggles between parents and children. Perhaps because there is not such a rigid schedule to adhere to? Could it be there is no (or little) homework? Maybe everyone is in a different mood because it’s summer and there’s just less pressure on everyone? Whatever the reason, wouldn’t it be nice to have a school year that is less stressful and more positive?

Here are some creative tips to achieve a balanced positive school year:

1. Develop a schedule. Create a white board of activities and schedule so your child knows what to expect during the week. Why? Because it creates a sense of safety and consistency, so you child will know what happens when. So take 15 minutes before the start of the school year and sit down with your child and create a schedule together. What time they wake up, what things they need to do in the morning, what extra curricular activities they have in the evening, what time they can relax and have free-time, dinner time, when they will do chores, when they will do their homework, when they have TV- computer time. A schedule provides an outline for how to plan the day, and of course it is flexible (you don’t want to create rigid schedule dependent children). Why do schedules work? Because they provide a map of when things happen, so the things that tend to be a power struggle, such as homework time and TV-computer time, are clearly defined. Creating a schedule prior to the school year allows you to be proactive and helps your child learn how to take responsibility for their time. You’re no longer nagging to get them to turn off the TV and do homework, rather it’s part of the agreed upon schedule and if they don’t follow through the consequence is clear (no TV for the night, etc). Schedules work- if you follow though!

2. Ask for support. It bewilders me to see parents and children get into power struggles over homework. It’s a terrible cycle of the parent nagging and trying to get the child to do the work, and the child resisting the more the parent demands. This cycle never works and it only leaves the parties involved frustrated, angry, and stressed out. I highly recommend that parents seek out help for homework struggles. Hire a tutor, or even a high school or college student, if you are on a budget. This is an example of needing and seeking support. If homework is a problem at a young age start seeking outside help ASAP. The longer homework is an issue between you and your child the less likely he/she will want to receive outside help. So do your child a favor and start giving them support at a young age. If your child is anxious or nervous about school offer them the same support, find resources where they can practice feeling more comfortable and confident and where they can learn new skills to deal with school stressors. If you provide them with a safe opportunity to explore their strengths and resources you will see a remarkable shift in how they manage the problems that arise during the school year.

3. Play together! I see many families who have a jammed packed schedule of taking their child to sports, or lessons, or other after school programs. They are chauffeuring them from school, to activities, to play dates, and to appointments leaving little time for families just to be together and have fun. When families do land back home it’s time to get dinner together, do homework, and other household tasks. When everyone does finally end up in the same room are you all focused on what’s on TV? Adding play to your schedule is essential. You model to your child that play is valuable and it’s restorative. You are also teaching them self-soothing skills they can use later in life when they encounter problems. Play comes in all different forms, from going places, to doing fun activities together, to taking a walk or bike ride, to getting a pedicure, to reading together, or baking something for fun. When you play together you are building your relationship in positive ways, you are connecting from a positive place, rather than a place of being a reactive parent. You are also sharing a life lesson with your child- that life is not all about work and “doing”, it’s about taking care of yourself, about connecting with others, and about honoring your needs. What a beautiful gift to share with your child!

Euna Lee and Laura Ling reunited with family- how will this imact little Hanna?

Couldn't help but cry in joy seeing the families of Euna Lee and Laura Ling reunited. How will this impact their little daughter, Hanna? Imagine the traumatic experience of not being with your mother and having a difficult time understanding why she couldn't return home. Although there must be great happiness for Hanna today, how will her experiences of her mother's absence impact her. There will be a long period of healing for this family and it will take time for Hanna and her family to feel safe again. It is during periods of trauma and loss that we are reminded of the value of art therapy with children. Although Hanna may never be able to put into words what she is feeling, she may be able to create images to allow her to process her feelings and find new ways of creating safety.

Are you sharing too much information with your child?

TMI: Too much information?

Recently I've been hearing lots of parents talk about how much is too much information (TMI) when they are talking with their children. Often it's difficult to understand what are healthy boundaries. There is a tendency for parent to over explain situations. I see this happening with young children, whereby a parent will offer a lengthy explanation to their child why they can't have a snack right now. The parent often is providing way too much information and justification as the child melts down into tantrums. This not only happens with toddlers, but I see it in teens and young adults too. Parents lovingly offer up lengthy reasons why their teen shouldn't do something and the teen launches into their version of a teen tantrum with whining, eye rolling, and anger.

Yes, modeling personal boundaries is essential to developing a healthy sense of self in your child. They need to hear you say "no" and they need to learn how to cope with the feelings around not getting what they want. However, there are many ways to set boundaries. You can set a boundary use a brief (one-two sentences) reason why. If it reasonable, allow you child a different choice or an opportunity to come up with a different idea. If you are firm on your decision do not launch into TMI lecture mode, this gives your child a reason to default to tantrums. Here's how you can use this simple strategy with your kids tonight and see changes in how you communicate.

For example, your child wants a candy bar before dinner.

Too much information:
Instead of saying, "You can't have a candy bar you know it's dinner time, you are always wanting to eat something before supper, why don't you do something else instead, like take the dog for a walk, or help me out in the kitchen..."

You could respond this way:
"No you can't have a candy bar before dinner, you can have an apple or grapes instead". (Do not say anything more. If they default to whining mode remind them ONE time of their choice and do not saying anything more)

For example, your pre-teen wants to go to a party with some friends.

Too much information:
Instead of saying, "You're always asking me to go to these parties and I tired of hearing about how all your friends are doing it, because we are not your friends parents, they let them do what ever they want ..."


You could respond this way:
"I don't feel comfortable with you being at this party without knowing who will be there. So I need to talk to the parents before hand if you'd like to go." (Do not say anything more. If they default to whining mode remind them ONE time of their choice and do not saying anything more)

For example, you and your spouse have been arguing in front of the children.

Too much information:
Instead of saying, "Your father is so annoying I can't stand it when he acts like that, he's always doing things to get me mad..."


You could respond this way:
"Your father and I have been not getting along recently and I am sorry you have had to hear us arguing. We are doing our best to try to communicate better and will try to be respectful of your feelings."


When you master TMI you can use it all sort of situations without becoming upset and reactive and you will teach your child healthy and respectful communication. Try it tonight and see how it works. If you need more support we can help, contact us at info@thecreativityqueen.com