Using Art Therapy to create what you desire
I just so love and adore the new year. If you know me then you have heard me say, " you get a do-over". A do-over is a word we used as a kid. If you missed the ball while trying to hit it you got another chance. It didn't count, you get to call a do-over, and you get to do it again. I love kids because they really understand do-overs. You could spend half an hour pitching the ball and they call do-overs until they get it. That's pretty smart, asking for what you need. So I adore the new year, because it's like a natural do-over.
However, do we practice do-overs in our lives? Many of us practice "do-agains" instead. I looked back at my yearly journal entries and see many of the same goals, be more compassionate with my family, loose 10 lbs, etc. The resolutions are great until someone in my family does something and I get so frustrated or I sign-up to get 8 boxes of girl scout cookies, then I'm face with rewriting the same things next year. Does this sound familiar?
So I began to wonder why some really big things I set out to accomplish, like writing my book, happen and why other less difficult things don't happen. What I found was I needed some concrete outcomes, steps to take to get there, and supports around me to help me make the changes. Even bigger than action steps is the commitment I made to the change and how I decided to feel about it.
If there is specific area in your life that you are longing to transform allow yourself to focus on that one thing. Here's where the do-over comes in handy. You can change the way you think and feel about this by using your creative possibilities thinking. So identify the problem (one is enough), be very specific and clear what it is. Now go grab some art supplies, magazines, chalks, oil paster, markers, paint, whatever you have on hand. Sit with this problem and ask how would I be different if this problem was resolved, what would I be doing, thinking, or feeling? Allow yourself to use the art materials to express how different your life would feel and be if this was no longer an issue. This is your do-over. This is your map to make changes.
However, do we practice do-overs in our lives? Many of us practice "do-agains" instead. I looked back at my yearly journal entries and see many of the same goals, be more compassionate with my family, loose 10 lbs, etc. The resolutions are great until someone in my family does something and I get so frustrated or I sign-up to get 8 boxes of girl scout cookies, then I'm face with rewriting the same things next year. Does this sound familiar?
So I began to wonder why some really big things I set out to accomplish, like writing my book, happen and why other less difficult things don't happen. What I found was I needed some concrete outcomes, steps to take to get there, and supports around me to help me make the changes. Even bigger than action steps is the commitment I made to the change and how I decided to feel about it.
If there is specific area in your life that you are longing to transform allow yourself to focus on that one thing. Here's where the do-over comes in handy. You can change the way you think and feel about this by using your creative possibilities thinking. So identify the problem (one is enough), be very specific and clear what it is. Now go grab some art supplies, magazines, chalks, oil paster, markers, paint, whatever you have on hand. Sit with this problem and ask how would I be different if this problem was resolved, what would I be doing, thinking, or feeling? Allow yourself to use the art materials to express how different your life would feel and be if this was no longer an issue. This is your do-over. This is your map to make changes.
My collage hangs over my fireplace as a reminder of what I am choosing to create.
Art Therapy and Loss
When you lose someone you love deeply there are lessons beyond what you could imagine. Some painful and heartbreaking and some humbling and heart opening. Every loss is an opportunity for growth (within yourself and closer to others). No matter who you are you will experience loss in your life. A loss of a grandparent, of a parent, a sibling, child, pet, spouse, friend, or relative. Loss is inevitable and comes in so many forms- moving away from friends and family, loss of a significant relationship, divorce, loss of a job, changes in school, a loss of physical health, saying good-bye to someone traveling away, or having an empty nest. Life continually is in a state of change and loss is a part of the cycle. So how can we live with grace and compassion and open to these experiences when we encounter them (rather than shutting down, hiding, denying, or minimizing these most important moments)? I don't have the answers, but I am in the process of learning and this is what I've discovered. 1. Allow yourself to be in the feelings. People are fearful that they will become overwhelmed with emotions if they allow themselves to feel deeply. The truth is the more you ignore, avoid, or try to push through these feelings the more they will drain you and overwhelm you. Embrace what it is you are feeling and what it is that you need so you may gracefully move through the experience. 2. Give yourself time. There are stages of grief and loss and they do not unfold overnight. Please be gentle and kind with yourself and not to try to push though the process quickly. When you honor your needs and give yourself time to heal you will move forward with an open heart, knowing what is unfolding is in perfect time. 3. Allow yourself to detach from trying to control circumstances and outcomes. We all know the Serenity Prayer "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference." There are many things beyond your control when experiencing a loss and surrendering to what you cannot control allows a centering back to yourself and what it is you truly need. Being still and focusing on the "here and now" allows you an opportunity to let go of what you can't control and soften to what you can. 4. Support and love is the way through loss. There is an opportunity to open your heart and be vulnerable with those in your life during this process. When you are honest and allow others to be there with you on your healing journey you create deeper relationships. This has been the greatest gift in my experience and I am grateful for all those who have lovingly offered support and understanding in this time of loss. 5. Find comfort in creating. During some of the most difficult times in my life I have looked to art as a balm for my soul. Art allows a soft resting place for grief. I've used the art to honor those losses and those I have loved, as well as a gift for myself to help heal and nourish my soul. Here are some creative therapeutic activities you can do to help you through loss. Knit, sew, or create jewelry. These activities allow you to assert control over the materials, provides a mediative or prayerful experience of repetitious actions. Create a photo collage or scrapbook as a way of processing and honoring memories. Create art from clay or cement by embedding special items in the medium, or glue items on a box or candle representing your memories and feelings. I believe we not only need to learn from these experience for ourselves, but also model this for our children and families.
Art Therapy - Paint a Prayer
I'm heading to the American Art Therapy Conference in Dallas this week and will have time to taste all the art making goodies and learn lots of new tools and techniques to share with you. A few highlights of the trip will be visiting the Art Station to learn more about Mandalas from instructors trained by Dr. Cornell, as well as an exploratory class at the Arboretum, and of course my own presentation- which is so very exciting! I also hope to hear what successes you have been celebrating, both big and small. If you have taken time to be creative, said "no" to things that are not right for you, allowed yourself time to listen to your inner voice- all these we celebrate! Remember all moments have the potential to be creative, even at times when things appear stuck and overwhelming, there are creative possibilities. This may mean letting go of how things "should be" or letting go of doing things "right". When you do so, you create a space for new possibilities. Here's a delicious creative tip to keep your juices flowing- enjoy! Paint a Prayer Ask spirit to come and be with you. Sit in a quite place and allow yourself to feel your heart opening. Invite spirit to speak into your heart what it is you need to hear. Use watercolors, or other paints, to express what you are feeling and what was spoken to you. Sit with the image you have created and allow yourself to deeply feel and honor what it is you needed to express.
Gratitude - Using Positive Psychology and Art Therapy
I do love this time of year as a period of reflection on what what has transpired over the last 12 months. Although the year is always is filled with change, this year I reflect on the gifts I've been given- strength in being vulnerable, grace in the midst of loss, many supportive friends and family who lovingly witness my journey and accept me where I am I my path, my own deeper loving acceptance of who I am. All these glorious gifts I give gratitude for. Although many were discovered in difficult times, I give thanks for the ability to welcome growth in the midst of change. The feature article below offers some thoughts on giving thanks and how you can use your creativity to celebrate what you are grateful for. As many of you know I am a fan of positive psychology and use in often in my life and in my art therapy practice with clients. If you haven't heard of positive psychology it is a new field of psychology that emphasizes the strengths and resources of the individual. Instead of focusing solely on what's wrong, it encourages you to explore "what's right" in your life. Needless to say it encourages resilience and the belief that we are resourceful creators in our lives- meaning we can use our innate gifts to live a happier life, regardless of the circumstances. So how can you apply the principles of positive psychology into your life and help your family use these tools too? One of the basic tools positive psychologist have been studying is called "Three Good Things in Life". The research suggests that by writing down three things you are grateful for each day you can reduced depressive symptoms and increased happiness for six months (Park et al., 2005). How simple, yet how effective! So here are some simple ways to bring this practice into your home and encourage yourself and your children to explore gratitude. 1. Make a gratitude ritual- At dinner or before bed allow your child and yourself to reflect on what you are grateful for each day. 2. Journal- This simple tool will allow you an opportunity to reflect on the day and find the good. It's nice to do this before going to bed to allow your mind to think positively before drifting off to sleep. 3. Make gratitude art- This could be in many forms, such as marking an image or using collage to create what you are grateful for; or creating gifts of gratitude for others. 4. Create a Thanksgiving tradition- Encourage your child (or do this yourself) to draw or use magazine pictures to make place mats for each member of the family. On each place mat create an image of what about that individual you are grateful for (such as who they are, what they like, what they do, what makes them special). This is a great activity to keep your child busy while you are cooking and a unique way to celebrate each person in the family. You can collect them throughout the years as each person grows, and reflect on their changes and unique attributes. Having problems at home and need more support? We can help, contact us at info@thecreativityqueen.com Park, N., Peterson, C., Seligman, M. E., & Steen, T.A. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of intervention. American Psychologist, 60.
Quick Creative Tips For Positive Communication For Busy Families
Is your family swamped by too many things on the to do list, leaving little time for deep connections with those in your family? Maybe you've seen your child become upset and overwhelmed, but you're so depleted and rushed there is little time to understand what your child is really feeling? If children do not feel heard and validated they will express their feelings in other unhealthy ways, leading to possible behavior and emotional problems. So what's a busy parent to do? STOP, LISTEN, and VALIDATE (kinda like stop, drop and roll). When your child is starting to become upset, they give signals. As a parent you know that they are getting upset, and sometimes you've got to go and can't always attend to what they are feeling. However, if you take a few seconds and STOP you can shift the reactive response that is brewing within your child. It takes more time to try to get your child back on track after they have a meltdown than it does to STOP. Stopping allows you to step into your parenting power so you're not responding from a reactive frazzled state. Stopping allows your child an opportunity to self-regulate, so they can learn how to get back in control of their behaviors. Stopping allows you to be present, loving, and open to hearing and seeing what's really happening with your child; so you can help them express their feelings and they learn other ways to communicate, rather than being reactive. When you stop you can be fully present to LISTEN and hear what their needs are. They may need to express thoughts and feelings that are not related to what's on your agenda. When you model being flexible your child will also learn flexibility. You have to decide what's important. Is it teaching your child a positive way to communicate their needs or is it that they learn how to "jump to it" and be on time so that others are not upset. I know this is a polarized example, but I want you to think about what you are emphasizing as important values for your child. Listening and really hearing your child takes only a few minutes, yet the importance of this leads to health self-esteem, learning positive communication skills, and respect (which parents want their child to learn). VALIDATING means you recognize what your child may be feeling and thinking. It's not necessary to problem solve for them, or tell them what wrong or bad, or that you condone what they are saying. It just means that you get their point of view and deeply understand their feelings. When kids are being reactive they are operating from FEAR and CONTROL. Validating their feelings allows a child to feel emotionally safer and acts as a re-set button on their feelings. They were heard, they felt understood, now they can continue onward. Here's a creative activity to help you child through this process. If you notice your child about to loose control of their feelings ask them to tell you what they are feeling. If they are unable to do so or they are overwhelmed ask them to go to a quite place and make a picture of what that feeling looks like (Can you make a picture of how mad you are?") If your child chooses to share the picture with you do not make corrections or tell them they shouldn't feel that way. Listen to them and validate their feelings. Model this and your child will have a set of skills that will lead to life long success!
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Art Therapy and Healing
I've been seeing many families hurting so badly and in such pain. It may be many things such as the economy, fear of the unknown, or the emphasis of lack and scarcity. Sadly, I have notice this has triggered may fears in parents. Often these fears trigger the thoughts and behaviors we had as a child. If you have never fully healed those aspects of yourself you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed, fearful, scared, or avoiding what's really at the root of your feelings. However, for those people who are stepping into their fear and allowing themselves to heal there is tremendous change that is occurring. It's remarkable to see the release of pain that has been held on for years and how people's lives can be transformed when they they are committed to growing- no matter how scared they are. So I offer you a feature article on thinking about your own healing and well being and how in this moment you can choose to lovingly embrace yourself.
There is something that I have to share that keep appearing again and again with the families I see. It breaks my heart to see parents in such pain. I know how much they hurt, wanting to see their relationships with their children be closer and to help their children be more confident and happier. I see these families whose hearts are breaking because they want so badly to help their children, but I know there is more to this, much more than what they see. So many parents come in with their own hurts and pains. They have grown up in families that didn't allow their voice to be heard or they never felt good enough. There are years of pain and hurt that have been pushed down because these parents were so fearful of letting these hurts out- fearful of rejection, worried they may fall apart, scared others may find out their deepest fears. So these parents keep looking for ways to fill their void. By doing more, buy buying more, by looking a certain way, by focusing on their children's well being and putting everyone else's needs before theirs. It breaks my heart to see these parents struggle to push through all the pain they are feeling and keep searching for ways to fill their hurt places.
These deep wounds created in the past keep us running on a treadmill of beliefs that if we did something more, had something more, looked differently, then we would be happy, lovable, respected, understood. The truth is that the ability to heal these tender places is already within us and we just haven't tapped into it, so we continue to look outside of us. The sad part is that most traditional talk therapies will give you more of the same. They will continue to keep you in your head, thinking about things- rather than being in your heart, where you can heal and release your pain. I have seen parents who have come to me with problems with their children and when they do their own work find they had been holding on to patterns and beliefs that had kept them in pain for years. Despite years of talk therapy, they still had not healed their heart. As one very wise mother said, "Art therapy allows me to get into my heart instead of my head. When I am in my heart I can feel, and when I feel I am able to heal". So I'm offering something I've never offered before, an opportunity to get to the root of the cause of your pain, so you release the beliefs that you're not good enough, that you have to do or be more, that you are broken and unlovable, so you can let go of these feelings for once and for all. If this the right time for you to finally let go of the pain and heal yourself (and you'll know in your heart if it is) then I ask you to call me directly at (941)504-8498 to set up an appointment. I'd be honored to help you on your healing journey.
Quick Creative Tips to Imrove Communication with Your Teen
If you have a teen you may have seen them transform from a connected loving child to a frustrated, stressed out, shut down, eye rolling teenager. Most parents just don’t know how to connect with their teen and feel like whatever they say or do is ”wrong”. How you dealt with your children’s problems will not be the same way you will support your teen. But don’t worry we have some simple strategies to help you reconnect with your teen.
1. Listen-
Your teen may seem like they really don’t want to share things with you. While it’s true they are spending more time thinking about things that are important to them, they still want to have a relationship with you, but they may feel like you really don’t understand them. Do you really understand them? Here’s a simple way to understand your teen, listen! You do not need to judge them, or tell them how they should solve the problems they are encounter, or what you think of their friends. Instead, ask them a question, such as, “what was the most frustrating thing that happened today”, then listen.
2. Understand-
It wasn’t that long ago that you were a teen and you may remember all of the frustrations, overwhelm, and angst you felt then. Being a teen is an emotional rollercoaster ride and if you are not there to support your child imagine who will help them make MAJOR life decisions! So it is time to start understanding your teen from their point of view. You may not agree with their behaviors and choices, and that’s fine, but you do need to start to understand their thoughts and feelings. A simple way to do that is validating their point of view. For example acknowledging their feelings when things don’t go their way, “ I understand you are mad you can’t go to the mall with Samantha, that’s got to be really frustrating.” Just being validated makes teens feel understood and improves the relationships.
3. Encourage Self-Expression-
You teen has lots to express. Find positive outlets to help them deal with all their frustrations and stressors. Whatever their interests: dance, sports, horses, art, music, allows them opportunities for positive self-expression. This creates healthy connections with peers, the opportunity for other positive adults to mentor your teen, and an easy way for you to connect with your teen by watching and encouraging their interests. Want an easy conversation starter? Ask about their favorite activity and watch as your teen reconnects with you.
Want some very specific strategies to reconnect with YOUR teen? Join out HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR TEEN Parent Support Program. For more info contact info@thecreativityqueen.com or (941) 504-8498.
A simple creative strategy to help your child through the transition of a new school year
Life is filled with obstacles and as you become an adult you often encounter situations that throw you off balance. How you manage these adversities are often formed when you were a child and unconsciously you are reacting from the same pattern you did as a child when a new situation arises or when things become overwhelming. If you didn't have healthy adults in your life modeling how to manage change you may have picked up some unproductive ways cope. Here's the good thing, you always have an opportunity to change and grow by creating new healthy strategies to meet your needs. In addition, you can teach your children new healthy ways of responding to changes. Here's a simple, but effective strategy to help your child when they encounter new challenges. Have your child take out a big piece of paper. On that paper have them draw all the things that they are worried or fearful about. For a younger child it may be a fear that the new teacher may be mean, for a middle school child it may be the fear of finding their classes, for a teenager it could be meeting new friends. Here's the important part, do not judge or minimize what their worries are. If you make judgmental comments such as, "oh that's not true", you do not validate your child's feelings. When you allow them to embrace their feelings they are more likely to move through the feelings, allowing an opportunity to create new thoughts and feelings around the circumstances. Allow your child to express all their worries and validate their feelings. Then, after you have heard them and allowed them an opportunity for self-expression, ask them to create all the things they could do to overcome the fears, worries and challenges. So if you child draws a picture of a mean kid in school doing something hurtful ask them to create what they could do instead. Allow them the opportunity to get really creative, again it's not about what you think they should do, but instead allowing them to create their own solutions, however "out there" or silly it may seem. This allows for divergent thinking, essential in developing resilience and creating life long skills for success. If you need more support we can help, contact us at info@thecreativityqueen.com |
3 simple strategies to help your child with the transition back to school
How to make this school year your child’s best year yet!
It’s almost back to school time for those of us who live in FL. It is so interesting to see how the school year impacts children and families. I find that during summer time there are fewer power struggles between parents and children. Perhaps because there is not such a rigid schedule to adhere to? Could it be there is no (or little) homework? Maybe everyone is in a different mood because it’s summer and there’s just less pressure on everyone? Whatever the reason, wouldn’t it be nice to have a school year that is less stressful and more positive?
Here are some creative tips to achieve a balanced positive school year:
1. Develop a schedule. Create a white board of activities and schedule so your child knows what to expect during the week. Why? Because it creates a sense of safety and consistency, so you child will know what happens when. So take 15 minutes before the start of the school year and sit down with your child and create a schedule together. What time they wake up, what things they need to do in the morning, what extra curricular activities they have in the evening, what time they can relax and have free-time, dinner time, when they will do chores, when they will do their homework, when they have TV- computer time. A schedule provides an outline for how to plan the day, and of course it is flexible (you don’t want to create rigid schedule dependent children). Why do schedules work? Because they provide a map of when things happen, so the things that tend to be a power struggle, such as homework time and TV-computer time, are clearly defined. Creating a schedule prior to the school year allows you to be proactive and helps your child learn how to take responsibility for their time. You’re no longer nagging to get them to turn off the TV and do homework, rather it’s part of the agreed upon schedule and if they don’t follow through the consequence is clear (no TV for the night, etc). Schedules work- if you follow though!
2. Ask for support. It bewilders me to see parents and children get into power struggles over homework. It’s a terrible cycle of the parent nagging and trying to get the child to do the work, and the child resisting the more the parent demands. This cycle never works and it only leaves the parties involved frustrated, angry, and stressed out. I highly recommend that parents seek out help for homework struggles. Hire a tutor, or even a high school or college student, if you are on a budget. This is an example of needing and seeking support. If homework is a problem at a young age start seeking outside help ASAP. The longer homework is an issue between you and your child the less likely he/she will want to receive outside help. So do your child a favor and start giving them support at a young age. If your child is anxious or nervous about school offer them the same support, find resources where they can practice feeling more comfortable and confident and where they can learn new skills to deal with school stressors. If you provide them with a safe opportunity to explore their strengths and resources you will see a remarkable shift in how they manage the problems that arise during the school year.
3. Play together! I see many families who have a jammed packed schedule of taking their child to sports, or lessons, or other after school programs. They are chauffeuring them from school, to activities, to play dates, and to appointments leaving little time for families just to be together and have fun. When families do land back home it’s time to get dinner together, do homework, and other household tasks. When everyone does finally end up in the same room are you all focused on what’s on TV? Adding play to your schedule is essential. You model to your child that play is valuable and it’s restorative. You are also teaching them self-soothing skills they can use later in life when they encounter problems. Play comes in all different forms, from going places, to doing fun activities together, to taking a walk or bike ride, to getting a pedicure, to reading together, or baking something for fun. When you play together you are building your relationship in positive ways, you are connecting from a positive place, rather than a place of being a reactive parent. You are also sharing a life lesson with your child- that life is not all about work and “doing”, it’s about taking care of yourself, about connecting with others, and about honoring your needs. What a beautiful gift to share with your child!
Euna Lee and Laura Ling reunited with family- how will this imact little Hanna?
Couldn't help but cry in joy seeing the families of Euna Lee and Laura Ling reunited. How will this impact their little daughter, Hanna? Imagine the traumatic experience of not being with your mother and having a difficult time understanding why she couldn't return home. Although there must be great happiness for Hanna today, how will her experiences of her mother's absence impact her. There will be a long period of healing for this family and it will take time for Hanna and her family to feel safe again. It is during periods of trauma and loss that we are reminded of the value of art therapy with children. Although Hanna may never be able to put into words what she is feeling, she may be able to create images to allow her to process her feelings and find new ways of creating safety.
Are you sharing too much information with your child?
TMI: Too much information?
Recently I've been hearing lots of parents talk about how much is too much information (TMI) when they are talking with their children. Often it's difficult to understand what are healthy boundaries. There is a tendency for parent to over explain situations. I see this happening with young children, whereby a parent will offer a lengthy explanation to their child why they can't have a snack right now. The parent often is providing way too much information and justification as the child melts down into tantrums. This not only happens with toddlers, but I see it in teens and young adults too. Parents lovingly offer up lengthy reasons why their teen shouldn't do something and the teen launches into their version of a teen tantrum with whining, eye rolling, and anger.
Yes, modeling personal boundaries is essential to developing a healthy sense of self in your child. They need to hear you say "no" and they need to learn how to cope with the feelings around not getting what they want. However, there are many ways to set boundaries. You can set a boundary use a brief (one-two sentences) reason why. If it reasonable, allow you child a different choice or an opportunity to come up with a different idea. If you are firm on your decision do not launch into TMI lecture mode, this gives your child a reason to default to tantrums. Here's how you can use this simple strategy with your kids tonight and see changes in how you communicate.
For example, your child wants a candy bar before dinner.
Too much information:
Instead of saying, "You can't have a candy bar you know it's dinner time, you are always wanting to eat something before supper, why don't you do something else instead, like take the dog for a walk, or help me out in the kitchen..."
You could respond this way:
"No you can't have a candy bar before dinner, you can have an apple or grapes instead". (Do not say anything more. If they default to whining mode remind them ONE time of their choice and do not saying anything more)
For example, your pre-teen wants to go to a party with some friends.
Too much information:
Instead of saying, "You're always asking me to go to these parties and I tired of hearing about how all your friends are doing it, because we are not your friends parents, they let them do what ever they want ..."
You could respond this way:
"I don't feel comfortable with you being at this party without knowing who will be there. So I need to talk to the parents before hand if you'd like to go." (Do not say anything more. If they default to whining mode remind them ONE time of their choice and do not saying anything more)
For example, you and your spouse have been arguing in front of the children.
Too much information:
Instead of saying, "Your father is so annoying I can't stand it when he acts like that, he's always doing things to get me mad..."
You could respond this way:
"Your father and I have been not getting along recently and I am sorry you have had to hear us arguing. We are doing our best to try to communicate better and will try to be respectful of your feelings."
When you master TMI you can use it all sort of situations without becoming upset and reactive and you will teach your child healthy and respectful communication. Try it tonight and see how it works. If you need more support we can help, contact us at info@thecreativityqueen.com
Why your behavior may be the cause of your relationship problems and what you can do about it: A lesson learned from my garden hose!
I was working in my garden this morning and found myself struggling with pulling my garden hose from the hose box. As I struggled I began thinking about what we often do when we are stuck trying to solve a problem in our relationships and keep spinning our wheels getting really nowhere.
Let me tell you my lesson learned from grappling with the garden hose. So I set out to water my garden, which is in desperate need of watering and some TLC. I find my garden is a place I can go to when I want some inspiration; however, I was unable to unwind my hose from the box and found that less than inspiring.
I pulled the hose, but it didn't work. So I tried to unwind it from the inside, still nothing. I stood on the box (I know you're not supposed to do that, but I was getting pretty desperate), still no luck. At this point the hose in the box is so jammed I can't get to the attachment to unscrew it. I'm fairly hot, my mood is not so pleasant, my back is aching and I'm thinking about adding the hose task to the "honey do" list.
I stop for few minutes and really think what I want to do. I think about my alternatives. Maybe getting the watering can and going about watering, but that would take a long time. I think about the outcome. If I don't water today some of my plants will shrivel up and die in the heat. I think about waiting for my husband to solve the problem. I'll have to let go of when it will be done, which means my plants may fry. OK, I make a decision I will water today; I am committed to keeping my plants alive. I decide to try tackling the hose one more time before I get the watering can. Since using force doesn't work, and the hose is too tangled in the box, I decide I must try a different route. I found the attachment that links the hose to the outside of the box unscrew it and slowly and gently begin to unravel the hose.
This menial task that took me almost thirty minutes got me thinking about how we approach problems in our relationships. I started to think about the cycle that we default into when problems arise with others in our lives. Often someone we love will say or do something that triggers us. When this happens we may launch into the cycle of being reactive, this can show up as passive/resistant behavior or aggressive/angry behavior. So someone will do or say something that will push your buttons and all of a sudden you are reacting without thinking about what it is that you want and what you need to do to covey what you want.
My struggle with the hose annoyed me and I was reacting by pulling and shoving the hose. It didn't work; it didn't get me what I wanted. So by stopping and thinking about what I wanted, what are my alternatives, what's my desired outcome, and what I am committed to, I found a way to solve the problem. If in your relationships you default to being reactive, try stopping and thinking about what is you want (to be heard, to be understood, to have someone do something) what are your alternatives (wait until you cool down before you respond, ask for something, find a different way to share what you are feeling), what is your desired outcome (to have a closer relationship where there is trust and mutual respect) and what are you committed to (wanting better relationships, making changes in the way you react to others)? Sometimes it's really hard to break out of a pattern of reactivity. Sometimes having someone else help you unravel your proverbial hose in a frustrating and overwhelming situation makes the process of change easier. We would be happy to help you and your family members find new creative ways to improve your communication and build happier relationships. If you'd like help contact us info@thecreativityqueen.com.
Using art therapy to help your child (and yourself) when problems arise!
I had an amazing and inspiring story told to me recently and I wanted to share it with you. If you have ever experienced a challenge or a setback you may have found yourself overwhelmed and confused. As a parent if you have seen your child encounter an obstacle you may have watched as they fell part emotionally trying to figure it out. We all deal with things in a different way; there is no right (or wrong) way to feel when we encounter adversity, however we have a choice what to do in these situations. A mom I know shared with me her daughter's story and they gave me permission to share it with you.
The mom noted her daughter, "had a huge bombshell yesterday morning, and will be resolving the issue over the next week. The college she was attending didn't announce which majors they were dropping until yesterday, and she found out that hers is being dropped. She would have 2 years to complete it, but that can't be done. She had it all mapped out already, and knows that she needs 5 semesters. At first she was pretty upset, but she rebounded quickly. Her choice is changing her major or transferring. There are less than 100 schools that offer the major in the country, and all would be quite costly. Within a few hours she found a related major that should work with what she already has taken, and will let her pursue the same field. Her last comment was that maybe it will actually open more doors that I don't even know about yet". The mom remarked, "I was amazed at the resiliency she had, because she has been so focused in her studies"!
What can we all learn from this remarkable story of graceful resilience? That we all encounter obstacles in life and we are the ones who choose what we decide to do with our experiences. As parents you can allow your child to learn and grow from their experiences. Protecting them from scrapes and tears will not serve them in the long run and sometimes adversity shows us just how remarkable we truly are!
Change is good and we are planning some positive changes over the summer, so keep checking back! I hope the story and the feature article inspires you when you encounter an opportunity for change.
Feature Article: "When you encounter an obstacle what do you do?"
We all want to teach children to be resourceful and resilient. As adults we see the necessity of learning how to cope with difficulties and find the strength and resources to overcome adverse situations. No matter who you are, and how you were raised, there will be times when you encounter problems and you must decide what to do.
Obstacles are opportunities in disguise. Understanding this statement may help you the next time your child (or you) encounters a problem. When your child encounters a problem they are building up their natural abilities to create solutions and figure out how to do or think differently. Our "emergency response system " to the problems we encounter starts to be developed in childhood. If a child learns to get their needs met by a specific behavior they will continue that behavior. Even if they do not get their needs met they may repeat the same behaviors due to learned helplessness.
Think about your own moments when you've struggled with a problem you have no control over. What type of behavior did you exhibit? When this happened did you melt down in tears, stuff your feelings, push through the obstacle, blame others, act helpless, or act out? If you've had these moments you've probably slipped into childlike thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I'm guessing that you didn't have a parent or adult that modeled appropriate ways to get your needs met or how to communicate what you needed. Although we've all had these moments we can teach children a different way to cope with adversity.
Here are a few things you can do:
1. Lovingly let them struggle
Yup! Sometimes when you jump in to help too quickly you take away an opportunity for your child to learn how to overcome the problem. Unless it is a safety issue, give your child some space to figure it out before you step in. Do this in a gentle loving manner.
2. Offer support not solutions
Rather than jumping in and coming up with answers for them allow your child a chance to talk about their options. Just by listening you allow them an opportunity to figure things out on their own. This works wonderfully with teens!
3. Let them know you love them
Sometimes their solutions will be different than yours. That's OK. They are learning to figure it out in their own way. Reinforce that you love them even when you may not love their choices.
An art activity for you :
As adults when we encounter obstacles and revert back to childlike behaviors we have an opportunity for a "do-over". We can give ourselves what we didn't get as children. Pull out the finger paints or some messy art materials the next time you feel overwhelmed by an obstacle. Create two images. The first image create what you are feeling- allow yourself to express all your emotions. In the second image create marks, colors, and words your inner child would like to hear to help soothe and comfort that aspect of yourself. If you'd like to share your artwork send us an email, we'd love to hear from you.
SCORE Helps Entrepreneur Find a Creative New Direction
| SCORE Helps Entrepreneur Find a Creative New Direction | |
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Laura Dessauer decided to put her master's degree in art therapy to use aiding children through her Sarasota business, Creativity Queen LLC. Laura met with Manasota SCORE mentor Wally Bishop for 25 mentoring sessions.
She opened her firm in November 2006, just as the Florida economy was beginning to slide. Together with Wally, she developed her strategic plan, trademarked her logo and planned a sales strategy. She wrote a book using the character she created, "Creativity Queen." Wally helped Laura identify opportunities that included multiple product lines to give her more revenue options. She not only offers direct art therapy, but she’s expanded her business into 12-week courses for children, plus a book and DVD available commercially. SCORE provided mentoring on business planning, sales planning, financing, leasing, marketing planning and publishing. Laura Dessauer was honored by Manasota SCORE as client of the year in 2007 for her first year of success. She says the SCORE honor brought her publicity and credibility and helped more people find out about her business. | |
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| Laura's first year in business was profitable and she added her first employee. Her second year revenue grew 20 percent and she continued to be profitable. As the recession took hold in Florida, Laura says, "SCORE helped me lay the foundation, so I could be nimble and effective in adjusting my product offerings in the fall of 2008. SCORE mentoring helped prepare me, so I could double revenue for four months and have a cushion as the recession continues." Laura adds, "I wholeheartedly recommend SCORE. The business experience and knowledge my counselor shared helped guide me through unfamiliar territory and set up a path forward to meet my goals. What I learned from SCORE continues to help me make it through the recession. I'm ahead in revenue for 2009. I'll be back in touch with my mentor to brainstorm ideas and look ahead to the next six months and how to stay profitable in 2009." From the SCORE website: http://www.score.org/success_creativity_queen.html |
CREATIVITY QUEEN MAKES NATIONAL NEWS!
The Creativity Creativity Queen's success is featured on SCORE's national website and in the Statement to the U.S. House Small Business Committee Subcommittee on Rural Development, Entrepreneurship and Trade U.S. House of Representatives on April 2, 2009!
Art Therapy and Employment
National Institutes of Health (CLICK HERE) has a tremendous amount of information that will help with answering any art therapy questions you may have about the profession, salary, requirements and much more. This is well worth your time to read and if you have any comments or questions please post them!
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